If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

Different operating systems. Different styles. But what if the quirks and styles of the different operating systems were applied to AIRLINES? What if airlines ran things the way operating systems do? This humorous analogy, applying operating system philosophies as if they were airlines, is a long-standing much-circulated amusing story, and I'd credit the author if I knew who wrote it!

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

More Interesting topics at http://www.zyra.org.uk/os-air.htm

Mobitel’s new marketing strategy

This is a true story of a young college girl who passed away last month. Her name was Janaki. She was hit by a lorry. She has a boy friend named Prabath. Both of them are true lovers.

They always hang on the phone. You can never see her without her hand phone. In fact she also changed her phone from Dialog to Mobitel, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost. She spends half of the day talking with Prabath. Janaki's family knows about their relationship. Prabath is very close with Janaki's family. Before she passed away she always told her friends "If I pass away please burn me with my hand phone" she also said the same thing to her parents. \

After her death, people couldn't carry her coffin. A lot of them tried to do so but still couldn't everybody tried to carry the coffin, the result was still the same. Eventually, they called their neighbor, a religious man from a village, who is a friend of her father. He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something here".

Then her friends told the learned man about her wish to burn her with her phone. He then opened the coffin and places her phone and SIM card inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All the people were shocked. (Can u feel the fear? I'm shaking at this moment) Janaki's parents did not inform Prabath that Janaki had passed away.

After 2 weeks Prabath called Janaki's mom. Prabath..."Aunty, I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me. Don’t tell Janaki that I'm coming home today, I wanna surprise her." Her mother replied....."You come home first, I wanna tell you something very important." after he came, they told him the truth about Janaki.

Prabath thinks that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said "don’t try to fool me - tell Janaki to come out, I have a gift for her Please stop this nonsense". Then they show him the original death certificate to him. They gave him proof to make him believe. (Prabath started to sweat)

He said... "It’s not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me. Prabath was shaking. Suddenly, Prabath's phone rang. "See this is from Janaki, see this..." he showed the phone to Janaki's family. All of them told him to answer. He talked using the loudspeaker mode. All of them heard his conversation.

Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It is the actual voice of Janaki & there is no way others could use her SIM card since it is nailed inside the coffin they were so shocked and asked for the religious mans help again. He brought another religious man along to solve this matter.
They both worked for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing...

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MOBITEL has the best coverage :) LMAO

Simple solutions

This is a mail i got from my university mailing list. Thought of sharing it here as it's underlying moral is significant most of the BIG thinkers!!!

Case 1
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens would not work at zero gravity (ink will not flow down to the writing surface).
To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C. And what did the Russians do...? They used a Pencil!

Case 2
One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan 's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soapbox that was empty.
Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty.
No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral
Always look for simple solutions. Let us devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problems.